Friday, September 28, 2012

Summer

Blazer: F21 | Top: Gap | Jeans: American Eagle | Boots: Report | Scarf: F21 | Bracelet: Kohl's | Earrings: Target

Remember that time I was all "hey Summer, piss off, I love me some wool" and then a few weeks later I was all "hey Summer, I didn't mean it, I know it's 63 and rainy but let's pretend you're still here and wear neon." Ohhh that's right it's now.

Funny story since I capitalized Summer like it's omnipotent: before I showed up at my internship this summer, one of the ladies in the office wrote my start date on the calendar. She meant to write "Summer intern starts today" but instead she wrote "Summer Johnson starts today." For weeks, someone would call me "Summer... uh... Sam" and I walked around wondering if I'd spelled my own name wrong on my resume or something before someone finally let me in on the joke.

Can you imagine trying to make a missing poster for me at this point? "Answers to Sam... and Dorothy... and Summer. We can explain."

Thursday, September 27, 2012

See Sam Sew: Chevron Skirt

Blazer: The Limited | Tank: Target | Skirt: DIY | Shoes: Nine West | Earrings: F21 | Watch: Kohl's

I love to sew. It's just one more thing that Boyfriend uses as proof that I'm 80 years old on the inside (see also: printed pants, early bedtimes, The Golden Girls, cardigans). This is the first thing I've made and had the courage to wear out in public - because, like I told my mom last night, let's face it: when you bake an apple pie and someone asks "oh my God, did you make that?" it's the best kind of compliment. When you make a skirt and someone asks "oh my God, did you make that?" it is absolutely not a compliment.

I made it through an entire day without a single person asking if I Amish-ed out on my skirt. If you look out your window and see a weird girl in chevron stripes running down the block, don't freak out. It's just me taking my victory lap.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Stick Horse

Sweater: Target | Tank: Target | Jeans: Victoria's Secret via MJR Sales | Boots: Report | Scarf: Kohl's | Necklace: F21 | Watch: Fossil | Cuff: Anthropologie

Not one, not two, but three people made a point to come up to me yesterday and ask where my horse/the Ralph Lauren shoot was. I can take a hint, folks. Next time I'm carrying a stick horse in my bag so I can have the last laugh on all the inquiries about the whereabouts of my noble steed.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Dorothy

Cardi: Gap | Dress: Kohl's | Shoes: BCBG Cielo | Belt: Target | Monogram necklace: eBay | Watch: Fossil | Cuff: Anthropologie | Earrings: Target

As a Kansan, you develop a tolerance for certain things.
"What the hell is a Jayhawk, exactly?"... widespread but still disturbing absence of appreciation for the Most Beautiful License Plate award we snagged in 1981.... and Wizard of Oz references. It's okay. I get it. Really, I do. Let's face it, without tornadoes and the wicked witch of the west, we're not known for much.

I can't expect you all to know that there's no movie I despise more than the Wizard of Oz. There's no way you could possibly have known that when I was little, I had to watch it to get un-grounded. That when I really crossed the line, I had to get my friends to sit through it with me. That I imagine the seventh circle of hell looks a lot like a yellow brick road winding down to Emerald City.

My first few weeks of law school, as we were all making introductions and getting devastatingly intoxicated in front of people who will someday be our colleagues at bar, I got a lot of "we're not in Kansas anymore" and "where's Toto?" and "shouldn't you be wearing red shoes?" Eventually, though, the novelty of my exotic heritage wore off (yes, in the Midwest, out-of-state qualifies you as exotic) or at least people got sick of the Dorothy jokes. I let my guard down. I thought we'd all stopped beating the dead horse of a different color.

So imagine my shock at work today when, having found a cassette tape (no it's not 1982) I've been looking for for the past week, our investigator yelled down the hall "Hey Dorothy! Found it!"

... it's baaa-aaack.
(Here's what I wore out last night to drown my sorrows in Oreo martinis.)

Jacket: Hautelook | Tank: Target | Jeans: American Eagle | Shoes: BCBG Cielo | Clutch: Madden | Belt: Target | Scarf: Kohl's | Earrings: Target | Watch: Fossil | Cuff: Anthropologie

Sunday, September 23, 2012

#Puppybomb


Sundays are made for naps. (Who are we kidding, all days are made for naps.)
Here's hoping you got one in that was as good as ours.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Men.

Tee: Gap | Jacket: H&M | Skirt: F21 | Shoes: Gunmetal | Bag: Melie Bianco Kim tote | Monogram necklace: eBay | Chain: F21 | Bracelet: American Eagle | Ring: Kohl's

The title of this post needs to be read in that knowing tone with the eye roll and the head shake. Don't act all innocent, you know what I'm talking about. (There should be some kind of font style for that: Bold, Italic, and Women Referring to Men.)

Boyfriend often wonders if I got dressed in the dark, which was way more upsetting to me before I started reading blogs and figuring out that we all baffle our manfriends with our sartorial adventures. I pretty much expect that if I love an outfit, Boyfriend will do the head tilt (like this) and say something super flattering like "is your skirt supposed to be up that high?" or "I still think you're pretty." So I almost choked when I threw on one of the most schizophrenic outfits in the history of time and got a genuine "you look hot today."

I'm not gonna try to fight it, but I won't pretend to understand it.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Of Course You're Still Single, Take a Look at Yourself You Dumb Slut

Dress: Loft | Cardi: Gap | Shoes: Nine West | Necklace: Anthropologie | Ring: F21

Here's hoping you caught the How I Met Your Mother reference and weren't silently agreeing that my dress gives off a "single dumb slut" vibe. Either way.

Some people spend years searching for the perfect winter boot, or the perfect skinny jeans, or the meaning of life. Since Jennifer Lopez's guest appearance on HIMYM in March 2010, I've spent an obscene amount of time searching for the perfect giraffe print dress. (Um, check.) Now that I've got the hard stuff down, bring on the existential crises.

Also: this will forever be known as the dress I was wearing when won my first case (read: got my first result that's not a continuance). Take a look at that, you dumb slut.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Nugget

Jacket: H&M | Top: F21 | Jeans: American Eagle | Flats: Target | Necklace: F21 | Bracelet: Kohl's

The wee nugget has become my prodigy.

This was never supposed to happen. She's not supposed to be my dog - I have a dog. He's in the other room watching Boyfriend play Madden in an interspecies display of dude solidarity. (Happens all the time - Boyfriend even took him on a beer run once. And to get ice cream on his birthday.) Boyfriend wanted a husky. I wanted a nice, sweet golden retriever who doesn't sass and doesn't act like a cat.

What she lacks in golden retriever, she makes up for in sheer cute.

It should be noted that the slobber on the mirror in the background is, shocker, not mine. Mind boggled by the prospect of having a twin in an alternate universe that moves exactly when she moves, Nugget spends an inordinate amount of time in front of the mirror.

Unsurprisingly, she's also more photogenic than me:

Fur baby: Petfinder.com | Collar: Petco, intentionally chewed for that sought-after distressed look

Monday, September 17, 2012

This Old Thing?

Sweater: Lauren Conrad | Pants: Ralph Lauren | Shoes: Ivanka Trump Gurdia | Earrings: F21 | Bracelet: Kohl's | Ring: H&M

This sweater has been sulking around in my closet since the beginning of time- I mean, we're talking at least three years. Like I said, eternity. This puppy is the Methuselah of sweaters.

Today I took it out for it's inaugural spin. (As in first ever. EVER ever ever. TaySwift wrote a song about this sweater. Maybe you've heard it.) I cannot overemphasize how impressed I am with myself. Apparently it knew 2012 would be the year of oxblood. OXBLOOD. Methinks the members of the Crayola-naming commission are getting a little morbid in their old age.

Speaking of old age, have I mentioned I've had this sweater for three years?!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

States That Start With M

Dress: Great Plains | Shoes: Calvin Klein | Tote: SheInside | Cuff: Fossil
Top: Van Mildert | Skirt: Topshop | Shoes: Mango | Belt: Dorothy Perkins | Tote: DSW | Necklace: Style & Co.

Boyfriend is from Ohio + I'm from Kansas = in a perfect world, Michigan and Misery Missouri would fall off the face of the planet, tigers would go extinct, and wolverines would only exist in comic books. One special week a year, we stop speaking to each other because he's bitter that KU beat Ohio State in basketball (twice) and I have no desire to fraternize with the enemy.

Since jerseys aren't acceptable attire in most offices, I started brainstorming some ways to sneak Jayhawk/Buckeye pride into my workwear. Do you want the good news or the bad news first? Good news: if you have mostly neutrals, almost every organization works gray, black, or white into their colors. Grab accessories in your team colors and you're good to go. Surprise, there is no bad news: if you want to go with team colors in your outfit, avoid looking like a mascot by accessorizing with neutrals.

Go forth and conquer (unless you're playing us). Don't drop the spirit stick.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I Award You No Points

Top: Target | Skirt: Limited via MJR Sales | Shoes: Sam Edelman | Watch: Fossil | Spike bracelet: ASOS | Earrings: H&M

There's nothing quite like feedback from a professor that's as bad as Billy Madison:
"... the paper is so riddled with cliches and hackneyed expressions that your fundamental thoughts are hard to discern... "

Who the hell says hackneyed? (And P.S. that sentence is redundant.)
Law school is supposed to be hard. I get it. No, I don't want to be coddled and have things sugar coated when my work sucks. And no, I'm not knocking down his door to use this particular paper as a writing sample. But if I'm going to spend three years of my life tossing money down the rabbit hole (and the next forty years trying to pay it all back), I don't think I'm asking for the second coming of Jesus Christ when I ask that my professors be... well... professional.

Update: class was cancelled because Mr. Madison himself had to have an emergency root canal. Thanks, Karma. When I say you're a bitch, I mean it in the best way.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Eighties Aerobics Instructor Does Business Casual

Top: Equipment | Pants: Victoria's Secret via MJR Sales | Shoes: Pour la Victoire | Earrings: F21 | Watch: Fossil | Cuff: Anthropologie

New shoes are to me what beer goggles are to normal people - they make me do things I never would have otherwise. Badabing! Seriously though. They show up in the mail, I pee a little, I blame it on the dog, the postman backs away slowly and I make every elementary school teacher I ever had roll over in their classrooms as I sprint to the bedroom with my scissors.

I had to work today, but lime green wedges were happening. A less emotionally compromised person may have worn a neutral top, but this shirt fell off the hanger and landed on my feet and the green and purple just looked so happy together that I couldn't in good conscience break them up. First mistake. 

Coral lipgloss was the logical next step. If justice truly did exist in the world, at this point there would have been a 2013 Nissan Altima honking outside my window. Only after I looked in the bathroom mirror at the courthouse did I realize that neon-ish colors are dangerously eighties when paired with black pants and a bun. Good thing no one had any hand weights or a scrunchy handy or I may have given Richard Simmons circa 1975 a run for his money.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

9/11

Top: Forever 21 | Jeans: American Eagle | Flats: Steve Madden | Necklace: Forever 21 | Ring: stolen from Mom | Earrings: Target

Walking around looking like a posterchild for America (pronounced Amurrica) today in honor of the victims of 9/11 and their families, as well as the men and women of our armed forces. 

If you're reading this, thank you -- you're my hero.

Monday, September 10, 2012

The Badge

Cardi: Gap | Tank: Target | Skirt: J.Crew | Flats: Tory Burch | Watch: Fossil | Cuff: Anthro | Earrings: Target

Something awesome happened today.
While apprehending -- and I mean that in the most Miami Vice sense of the word -- a probation violator at lunch today (pro tip: if you're on probation, don't drink a margarita the size of your face twenty feet from the courthouse), my supervisor flashed a legit law enforcement badge... and my little heart went all aflutter. Knowledge bomb: after I graduate I will receive the world's most expensive/useless piece of paper, but to make up for it I'll also receive a badge that costs more than $6 and does not have "Officer Naughty" inscribed anywhere on it.

Skies parted. Angels sang. Six figures of debt became manageable.
Not even manageable. A downright bargain. They should be charging me more. Not really.

Moral of the story: usually my job is nothing like Law & Order, but sometimes it SO. IS.

P.S. No you don't need to adjust your monitor. A little fake tan goes a long way.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Pour la Victoire Mai Wedges x3

Blazer: Indressme | Peplum tank: Warehouse | Skirt: Carolina Herrera | Belt: Dorothy Perkins | Necklace: Les Nouvelles
Sweater: Uniqlo | Jeans: Abercrombie | Earrings: Diva
Top: River Island | Skirt: Carven | Scarf: River Island | Belt: House of Fraser

Although the blogosphere seems to be full of perfect couples and perfect professional photographer boyfriends... sometimes, Boyfriend and I fight.

No one likes to fight, but when it happens, I prefer two things: 1) that I'm right and 2) if it's really bad, that I get "I'm sorry" shoes instead of flowers... preferably shoes that he would never pick out on his own and that he would never buy for me were his credit card under the sole control of his own taste and free will.

Above, three ways to style some crazymazing lime green shoes (that will be here Tuesday).

Friday, September 7, 2012

Sweater + 87 Degrees

Sweater: Target | Shorts: Target | Flats: Me Too | Tote: Target | Monogram: eBay | Watch: Fossil | Cuff: Anthropologie | Earrings: Target -- holy shit Batman, that's a lot of Tarjay

Nope, not dying of tuberculosis. No recent encounters with sparkly fanged men. Just a good old fashioned case of pasty whiteness bordering on transparency.

I wore this out for a quick lunch today... and the first thing my friend said to me was "Look at you... it's like you're half hot and half cold." Called out. I may have jumped the gun on fall a little bit, but I'm so sick of sweating every time I go outside that I just had to wear a nice wooly sweater in protest.

In case you were wondering, no, there was not a common sense portion on the LSAT. Its absence actually explains a lot.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Going Rogue

Top: J.Crew | Skirt: Limited via MJR Sales | Pumps: Nine West | Earrings: Target | Necklace: JoAnn Fabric

Subconsciously channeled my inner Sarah Palin when I got dressed. She sees Russia from her backyard, I wear white after Labor Day. I'll let you know when I master the beehive and turn into a crazyass gun-toting mountain woman. (Done! I'll let you guess which one.)

Also rebel-status: this necklace isn't a necklace. It's a clip on purse strap from JoAnn's. Seriously, I threw caution to the mothereffin' wind today.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Bunhead

Top: Everly via TJMaxx | Skirt: Talbots (I KNOW.) | Flats: Me Too | Earrings: Target | Monogram necklace: eBay | Cuff: Anthropologie | Ring: Kohl's

There are few undeniable truths in life.
The Kansas Jayhawks are the greatest basketball team to ever play the game, my next door neighbor looks like Leslie Chow, and I have a weird shaped head. I feel like I'm one of those little aliens from Toy Story when I wear my hair up. THE CLAAWWWW. God I'm even wearing green.

I don't know if you noticed, but this skirt is from TALBOTS. Like, Grandmas shop there Talbots. Seriously hot grandmas, because I loved about a thousand things when I ventured in for a peek at their sale rack this summer. Talbots rewards card? Don't mind if I do. Bonus (at least for lawyers and other stuffy professions) the fit is really conservative, so you can get away with some things you couldn't otherwise.

But not like murder or tax evasion. Those are pretty much off limits no matter what your skirt looks like.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Already in a Rut

Top: F21 | Pants: Victoria's Secret via MJR Sales | Tote: Target | Pumps: Sam Edelman | Watch: Fossil | Necklace: F21

Four days in and I'm in a rut. Turns out I love me some leopard shoes. Guys I swear I own other things...

So these pants. (No, not the wrinkles.) The more I wear them the more I realize they're possibly the worst shade of khaki I've ever seen. I could bleach them and try to make them a happier color, but let's be real, I'd have to do dishes to have enough sink space for that. There's a 96% chance these babies are going to get scrapped in my next Goodwill haul.

The sassy Angelina leg will not be scrapped. Hopefully the scary lighting in my facial region will.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Of Tide Pens and Princesses


Begrudging photo credit.

Once upon a time (this summer) there was a fairy princess (me... uh, my friend) who wanted a cup of magic potion (tall iced skinny caramel macchiato) before she had to go sing to the forest creatures (go to her internship) all day.

But before the princess could even pull her chariot out of the drive thru, she realized that the evil witch behind the counter didn't snap the lid on all the way. She realized this as the magic potion trickled aaaaaall the way down her white shirt. Never fear, she thought. I have a Tide pen! But alas, the Tide pen was in her other purse. So the princess, having originally been twenty minutes early, had to go to Walmart and buy a new shirt and wait in line behind some lady buying every pack and variety of cigarettes known to manf---ingkind and was thus ten minutes late.

I should write for Disney.
Seriously, the obsessive compulsive organizational gremlin that is me 98% of the time was pissed that I had exactly what I needed in exactly the wrong place. To prevent the sorts of tragedies that seem to befall me whenever I'm wearing white and basically at all other times, behold: the Sam-proof 911 kit that 1) prepares me for any situation beyond shark attack and alien invasion and 2) keeps all my crap in one place for easypeasy A.M. purse switches.

Purse organizer, $15 | The crap corral. Amazon has a buttload (2ge+her reference!) of options.
Fashion tape, safety pins | For necklines and bra straps that want to give the goods away fo' free.
Fold-up comb, bobby pins, hair ties | In case your elastic snaps ten seconds before your first ever oral argument.
Tweezers and a nail file | I'm like the guy with a  five o'clock shadow by noon. Only on my eyebrows.
Bandaids, Advil, Tums, Kleenex, concealer | Essentials to fake not being sick/mortally wounded. 
Two tampons | One for you, one for the girl who comes up and asks if you have an extra. Be a hero.
Mints, $20 cash, a granola bar, and a phone charger | No one likes to be stinky, broke, hungry, or dead.
Fold-up flats and a baby umbrella | Optional if you're not a freak weather magnet like me.
Industrial power lint rollers | Optional if you don't live with two four-legged hair factories.
Tide pen, Shout wipes | ... don't get me started.
Mini bottle of Jack | Just kidding. Look away.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Mint Dress x3


Pumps: Michael Shannon | Clutch: Michael Kors, gift from my amazing friend Andrea | Earrings & cocktail ring: F21

Up until age 24, I had one married friend. (Technically two.)
Then someone set off the nuclear wedding bomb, and when the mushroom cloud settles next April I'll have five (ten) married friends. Someone get me some Depends and a butterscotch, I feel old.

Meet my wedding-guest dress, a total impulse buy from my first trip to Zara over spring break. Fun color, cute shape but still modest, and structured enough not to require Spanx.

Do you have a wedding uniform?

Shoes: Sam Edelman (can you tell they scuff?) | Clutch: Target | Earrings: stolen from my grandma | Monogram necklace: eBay

Pumps: Nine West | Clutch: Target | Necklace: Anthropologie

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